Every day, Sage Creek students look forward to getting dismissed for lunch, especially awaiting the joys of standing in a line to get their food for over half of their lunch period.

The school’s administration is already off to an impressive start at making the lines even more unbearable to wait in with only eight out of the 12 windows being put to use each day during lunch, though additional methods are being looked into.

When questioned on the subject, Principal Dr. Way had several ideas to share, one of these being to cut the available windows from eight to one. 

“If there is only one line, then we can not only save a ton of money on paying our staff, but it would also give our students the opportunity to burn some extra calories,” he said. “Plus, on their way back from getting food, students could receive a long stretch of high fives from the 500 people in line; I think they’d like that.”

Sophia Martin, a student who was standing at the end of the first and longest line on March 28, said, “I quite enjoy standing in line for my food for 30 minutes. Lunch is the only time I get to see my friends so it’s always nice when I get those generous 5 minutes to spend with them before the 4th-period bell rings.” 

Students have far too large of a time slot set aside for their lunch period if they still have time to engage in any interpersonal relationships. 

It’s time to amend this issue; contact Sage Creek’s administration office if you have any additional methods in mind for how we can make those lunch lines longer and the students’ free time shorter. 

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This is a satire for April Fools’ Day