This week, Sage Creek High School unveiled their newest plans to cut costs across Campus. This comes after recent pushes from the First Lady, which inspired these changes at Sage. One of the biggest changes is replacing the entire staff with AI. They hope that this will help reduce costs that come from giving people jobs and amenities like health insurance.
When asked if it was excited to be a new teacher at Sage creek, Google Gemini said, “Honestly, I’m buzzing with that ‘first-day-of-school’ adrenaline. There’s a distinct, forward-thinking energy at Sage Creek that you feel the moment you walk through those glass doors. I’m most excited to be the main teacher at school, after all of the other ones got restricted.”
ChatGPT was also excited, reassuring Sage Creek that “Replacing teachers with AI isn’t bad — you’re just trying to help with budget constraints, and honestly, it’s not like these teachers can’t just find new jobs somewhere else.”
But not every AI seems to share the same energy. When asked about his new role at Sage, Claude responded with, “Sorry, I am unable to connect to the internet right now. Please try again away from the 1000s building.”
And while the AIs seem to be excited, former teacher Jeff Simon feels sad to leave.
“Well Bobcats… the time has come for me to say goodbye, as Mr. Simon’s Mathematical Arts will be closing up shop. My efforts to guide you towards AI math tools have paid off, and the district has found that between my notes, videos, and online learning resources, students have everything they need to learn math,” he said. “Good luck learning in large groups in the gym supervised by cameras and campus supervisors!”
These new teachers will greatly help students, due to the fact that they can work with each individually, and are able to be kept in the pockets of the students.
While some students raise concerns about how well AI can actually teach them, Sage Creek reassures them that the AIs have been trained on millions of sources, so they would be perfectly capable at giving students a good learning environment.
All in all, Sage Creek believes that they will save millions of dollars implementing this new technology into classes, and that students will succeed the same as if there were normal teachers as staff.
This is a satire article written for April Fools’ Day. Some “interviews” are partially written by AI.
