Senioritis is the Next Pandemic


Photo by Nadia Razzaq

A student checks their temperature, only to discover they have been plagued by Senioritis. Senioritis has become more prevalent after the end of the second trimester.

An outbreak of an old parasite is spreading faster than the flu. Its name: Senioritis. The world has seen an increase in cases, and it isn’t slowing down. Senioritis was first discovered in 1907 and became well-known in 1957. The devastating parasite attacks the host’s nervous system and brain, controlling the victim’s motivation. 

Fortunately, Senioritis doesn’t cause pain, but other symptoms include intense episodes of feeling tired, not being able to get out of bed, drooling, randomly fainting and feeling fatigued. 

One recent study done by Omniscient shows that 78 percent of all high school seniors already have or will get Senioritis. Compared to COVID-19, Senioritis has peaked higher, faster, and is on track to last even longer.

Reece Friend, a senior at Sage Creek High School, was found to have the worst case of Senioritis. 

“I couldn’t stop sleeping in” and “sleep just felt more important than doing homework and studying,” said Friend about his experience.

 Scientists say the parasite feeds off the exhaustion of only seniors in high school and college, giving it the name “Senioritis.” In order to keep safe from this scary parasite, all seniors should get their daily dose of vitamin C, stay away from any potential victims, set an extra alarm clock ten minutes after their first one and test their friends for potential symptoms. 

If Senioritis continues to spread, the next global pandemic isn’t too far away.

This is satire for April Fool’s Day.