Let’s just cut to the chase here: the men’s bathrooms need dividers. They need ‘em bad.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “That’s poppycock! The school has more important things to work on, like overseeing the faculty, or making sure the Performing Arts Center doesn’t get delayed again!”

You’re right, those duties (especially that second one) are incredibly important for the faculty to keep track of. Regardless, it’s still a very basic issue that shouldn’t even be there to begin with, but here we are now, so let’s get to it.

Let’s examine why this is an issue in the first place: the urinals in the men’s room are placed in a row next to each other, and standing next to somebody else while you’re peeing is a level of uncomfortable I personally have not experienced since I watched Deadpool with my mother. Having dividers lessens that discomfort by placing a large slab of hard plastic in between you and the other person relieving themselves.

It gives you the privacy to take care of business and go on with your day. Without them, there’s always that little lingering feeling in the back of your head reminding you there’s nothing keeping anybody else from looking at you. Of course, this could all just be me having some Freudian fit of paranoia, but the lines that form outside the restrooms make me think there’s some truth to what I’m babbling about.

I don’t think saying, “We have very little time during passing periods,” is a particularly controversial statement. Five minutes is a paltry amount of time to get from one side of the school to another, and taking a bathroom break could mean a close shave that would make Sweeney Todd wince.

This certainly isn’t helped by the fact that there’s a crowd of like-minded folks in front of you anxiously waiting for either the stall or one of the two urinals to open. Very few people are willing to take the second urinal, and this reluctance can clog up larger groups. Long, slow lines handled inefficiently are exactly why the DMV is such a soul-sucking nightmare. Unlike the DMV, however, you can’t reserve times in advance for the men’s bathroom! (Believe me, I tried.)

At the end of the day though, it all really boils down to privacy. People don’t want other people around when they’re “answering nature’s call” so to speak. It’s the whole reason we have bathrooms in the first place! With any luck, we may see this change in the future.
If not, we may try stealing some manila folders and taping them against the restroom walls. Seems to work well enough during tests.