On April 1, 2025, the Pentagon started flagging different things that were associated with the LGBTQ community, and among the 26,000 flagged projects and names lies a childhood favorite masking her deceit: Rainbow Dash.

Donald Trump passed an executive order to take back America and silence the reverse discrimination policies of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) once and for all. The Enola Gay, the fighter plane that dropped the bomb on Hiroshima, was the first victim of these rollback policies, and Rainbow Dash is next on the chopping block. 

“God made the rainbow, and the Wokes™ are taking it away from us. Let’s take back what’s ours and keep our children safe,” exclaimed Trump at an NRA rally. 

Rainbow Dash’s multicolored hair and tail fill children with too much joy, and parents refuse to let her become a martyr for their agenda. The criminal pony released a statement about her ban from the land of the free.

“I have been working in and bringing joy to this country for almost 30 years, and this is how I’m repaid? I voted for Trump to lower the price of hay. I don’t know why he’s choosing to attack me,” Dash retorted.  

Since 1978, the LGBTQ community has claimed the rainbow as their own, much to many’s dismay. With the new rollback of DEI policies, they won’t have to worry about minorities getting their moment in the spotlight any longer.

There is word going around that Rainbow Dash’s identity is indoctrinating children from birth, and the president refuses to stand for this “tomfoolery.” The president believes that America already celebrates it too much in June, so he took away Pride Month as well. 

“Once, I found little Barron watching My Little Pony with his friend, so I had Elon erase his memory,” lamented Trump. 

However, Dash is not going down without a fight. She has hired Matt Murdock as her lawyer, who has created a viral petition to release Dash. 

“Even though Rainbow doesn’t know who she voted for and how it affects her, I guess it is my responsibility to give her a fair trial. Go to the link on my Instagram page to find the petition,” said a tired Murdock. 

So far, the pony has gained 50,000 signatures with another 450,000 to go. While Dash is confident in her supporters, she is ready to become a January 6 Proud Boy if the petition fails so she can be pardoned.

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This article is satire for April Fools Day