As the implementation of phone pockets at Sage Creek High School sweeps classrooms from precalculus to AP lang, the question remains: How will teachers keep students stimulated in the midst of the Great Phone Embargo of 2025?

“Last year, I was getting straight ’s, an improvement for me, because teachers didn’t mind if I played the occasional Block Blast in class,” junior Lily Peterson said, “Now I have Fs in every class because I’m so bored I doze off.”

The boredom epidemic has not only swept through the student community, but also the staff of Sage Creek as well. 

AP Language and Composition teacher Shannon Alberts laments her similar experience with the phone pocket policy. 

“I always try to sneak in a few minutes of Instagram reels in between my lessons, but now that my students’ phones are banned, I feel obligated to stop checking my favorite minion memes,” said Alberts. 

The lack of energization in classrooms has forced teachers to provide a creative, under-the-radar solution to keep their classes engaged. 

Teacher-provided oculus headphones have begun popping up in classrooms, quickly swept under the rug when administrative staff is in the vicinity. 

“The oculus provides a student friendly solution to a de-simulated environment, students can do anything from watch hydraulic press videos to playing brawl stars while doing work, or not doing work,” said Alberts. 

Even the parents of students have gotten involved in the media madness, commenting on the change in behavior of their teens when they return home from school. 

Sharron Pierce, a mother of a Junior student at Sage Creek, celebrates the presentness of her son on the return home from school. 

“Little Jeremy has been so much more open to talking about what he’s doing at school,” Pierce said. “It sounds like he’s learning so much!” 

As much as the oculus headphones may be controversial, it’s clear that Gen Z needs a little bit of help when it comes to focusing. 

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This article is satire for April Fools Day