In a recent identity leak, beloved campus supervisor Mr. Dan has been revealed as Special Agent Dan of the FBI. Agent Dan was assigned to Sage Creek High in 2017 to combat E-bike theft at our school. 

He has been suspected of using his elite training to repel E-bike thieves at our school. Agent Dan has also been caught occasionally taking a joyride on E-bikes left unlocked for the day.

He claims that it was to protect the e-bikes from getting stolen. “The only reason I take the unlocked e-bikes for a ride is to ensure they don’t get stolen, and as a secondary benefit, a gentle reminder for students to keep their e-bikes locked up,” he said.

While some students refuse to believe in Mr. Dan’s new identity, others such as Nixon Ebete are firm believers. “I actually have an E-bike myself and I am super thankful that we have Agent Dan to keep it safe,” he said.

Ebete also seems to be okay with Agent Dan riding his E-bike. “I’m totally fine if he takes my bike for a spin, he’s just trying to have some fun, he said.”

However, in a conversation with Agent Dan, formerly known as Mr. Dan, he denied the accusations of being a government agent… sort of. “Well maybe I am, maybe I’m not. Who’s askin’?” 

No matter who Dan really is, he is still an incredible presence on our campus and always has a smile on his face. And maybe we should all be more like Mr. Dan… or Special Agent Dan, depending on who you ask.

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This article is satire for April Fools Day