The Indianapolis Colts finished their season with a lackluster record of 8-9. Following this, it was clear that drastic changes were needed if they hoped to return to playoff contention. Enter Daniel Jones, the quarterback whose remarkable ability to almost lead a team to victory has made the Colts Super Bowl favorites.

Jones, who has thrown 70 passing touchdowns and 47 interceptions over the last five years, ranks among the top 32 of NFL starting quarterbacks – a truly exclusive club. After a stellar 2024 season with the Giants, where he somehow got even worse, the team was forced to release him.

The Giants could not comprehend such an elite talent and decided it would be best to part ways.

NFL officials were furious when the Giants cut ties with Jones, arguing that the league would be a far more competitive place if they had kept him. To punish them, the Giants were forced to pay Jones over 20 million. Jones spent this season on the sidelines for the Minnesota Vikings, another move orchestrated by the league to keep him away from other teams, fearing that he would make every other team irrelevant.

Remarkably, Jones was the only quarterback this year not to throw an incompletion — you know, because he didn’t play. His precise decision-making also helped him finish the season with zero interceptions. This is undoubtedly a record-breaking accomplishment, considering how much time he spent on the field.

With such a high-caliber quarterback now leading the charge, the Colts are practically guaranteed to make it to the Super Bowl next year. After all, who could possibly beat a team led by a quarterback who has proven time and time again that his greatness lies in avoiding any sort of actual skill?

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This article is satire for April Fools Day