As the March gloom slowly starts to fade into what will hopefully be a bright and warm spring, Sage Creek High School (SCHS) faces the end of a stormy and rainy season.
Although California is known for its earthquakes and tumultuous weather patterns, SCHS staircases and overall floorplans were not built to withstand more than half an inch of rain yearly.
Due to the increase in rain and weather irregularities, rainwater has quickly infiltrated staircases and hallways on campus.
The water drips from each step on the staircase to the level below. In synopsis, water falls from the top floor, gets trampled on and grossened by students and then drops onto unsuspecting students on the stairs below.
Those disgusting water droplets are referred to lovingly as “footwater” by SCHS students.
“It’s just very bothersome,” said junior Teddy Outlet. “It drops to the back of my neck and chills me. The intrusive raindrops down my shirt honestly ruin my whole day.”
However, recent evidence has been found that a ruined day and pervasive raindrops down clothing should be the least of students’ worries.
Scientists have found that students who come in contact with said “footwater” may experience symptoms such as fevers, chills, seizures, death and sneezing. If infected by the water, there is a possibility for severe side effects.
Outlet fled from school after his interview from fear of coming in contact with infectious water. “The Sage” has not heard from him. All students are being told to keep an eye out for him.
In summary, students should remain vigilant and layer up. The water can seep through clothing and skin easily if infectious and could be potentially dangerous in the future. Only a little research has been completed, though officials have recommended taking the elevators as a precaution.
Stay safe, Bobcats.
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This was a satirical piece in honor of April Fools Day
