CARLSBAD, CA, April 1 – Earlier today it was announced that Sage Creek High School will remain in session from April 10 to April 14, which means spring break is canceled. As of now, it seems that this decision will apply only to Sage Creek. In addition, Sage Creek will remain in session continuously for the next five decades.

The district’s Scheduling Executive, James Smith shares the reasoning behind this decision.

“Carlsbad had a good 56 years on Sage Creek right now, so Sage will just have to stay in session until they catch up,” Smith said.

To reduce the number of years needed to catch up, Sage Creek will not have summer, spring, or winter breaks.

“We believe that this week will be a wonderful opportunity for students to really enhance their learning experience,” Smith said. “This will be a rare opportunity for Sage Creek to catch up to their peers at Carlsbad. After all, the amount of educational hours is really what defines a school.”

This will allow Sage Creek to surpass Carlsbad… eventually.

“As the newer school, Sage Creek still has a long way to go before it can even hope to reach the academic rigor of Carlsbad,” Smith explained.

Due to an unfortunate communication error, teachers too are just finding out about this, so it’d be wise to tiptoe around those who had been especially excited for trips or retirement. As for any procrastinators who had many assignments planned for the break, those will just have to wait. After all, now they have a few extra decades.

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This is satire for April Fool’s Day.