The Sage

A BOTPOSAL

AI still has quite a distance to progress in manners of helping people.

Here+pictured+are+Google%E2%80%99s+first+wave+of+robots+to+be+put+out+into+the+world+once+the+initial+stages+of+the+project+are+initiated.+GoogleAI%2C+led+by+Patrick+Donahue%2C+has+been+in+the+formation+stages+for+months+now.
Here pictured are Google’s first wave of robots to be put out into the world once the initial stages of the project are initiated. GoogleAI, led by Patrick Donahue, has been in the formation stages for months now.

Here pictured are Google’s first wave of robots to be put out into the world once the initial stages of the project are initiated. GoogleAI, led by Patrick Donahue, has been in the formation stages for months now.

Taken from Wikimedia Commons

Taken from Wikimedia Commons

Here pictured are Google’s first wave of robots to be put out into the world once the initial stages of the project are initiated. GoogleAI, led by Patrick Donahue, has been in the formation stages for months now.

Áine Kern, Opinion Editor

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Innovations in artificial intelligence (AI) creation have been more and more common and impressive in recent years, from Siri to self-driving automobiles. The inventions seem to only be improving quality and speed of life in the modern first-world lifestyle. Google has even taken on the task and mission of bring AI innovation to the entire world, “solving problems for everyone.”

However, AI still has quite a distance to progress in manners of helping people. Machines can operate in surgeries but they cannot advise the families of patients on how to cope with the struggles of medical emergencies and traumas. Robots can drive cars but they can’t race them with the thrill that only racecar drivers can feel. Computers can influence an audience’s political stance but cannot mediate differences between opposing sides for a common solution. There are so many instances of life in which robots have invaded but not been able to see the full potential of the situation.

There is only one logical solution. We must replace every human being with a robot. 

We must replace every human being with a robot.”

Robots will not fight wars or go hungry or pollute the earth. Robots will not need homes built where natural habitats formerly thrived. Robots will not endorse companies employing slave labor for clothes and chocolate. Simply because they do not need or are inclined to need any of those things, as humans are.

One of the biggest concerns and priorities of modern civilization is global warming, which is largely caused by massive farming projects to provide meat and dairy products as well as fuel emissions of transportation methods. Food and mobility are intrinsically organic needs which robots could obviously do without. If we succeed in replacing every human being with a robot then the risk of accelerating climate change towards destruction of the earth is massively decreased.

As you may see now, robotization is the most efficient and rational solution to all modern day problems. A lack of emotion and selfish desire could be the answer to all of humanity’s problems!

There is only one obstacle to this method of salvation, though. To replace everyone with a robot, there would need to be a mass-disposal effort of humans in order to make space. Though the method may be costly, it would be definitive in smoothing out this small blip in the plan: expulsion.

There are two routes to this expulsion project: one in which each human is shot individually into orbit or alternatively building a massive ship to combine the expulsion into a large body of humans sent into space. The fragile mortality of these beings is a tragic but unamendable aspect. This is the only way to world peace and a healthier planet.

Google has already agreed to this proposal in recent months as submitted by our team. Measures to introduce the first waves of expulsion will be proposed and initiated in early 2019. If you and your family are not the first to be expelled with this new project, you may see the first initiated robotic replacements within months. The fresh enterprise will soon be the pride of every country’s human government until the leading humans are shot into orbit themselves. Bon voyage!

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7 Comments

7 Responses to “A BOTPOSAL”

  1. Sydney Ballard on June 12th, 2018 7:35 am

    Wow! What a great piece. This is going to be such an impactful solution to our global issues here on Earth, and not to mention, Patrick Donahue is such a great lead for Google AI. Impressive stuff.

  2. . on June 12th, 2018 7:58 am

    It’s Climate Change there is no such thing as “Global Warming”

  3. gilgamesh on June 12th, 2018 9:08 am

    april fools

  4. Pasha on June 12th, 2018 9:10 am

    Isn’t the picture the robots from I, Robot?

  5. Andrew Coviello on June 12th, 2018 11:32 am

    I think that Aine should get her own news site called The Aineon.

  6. Max Quirin on June 12th, 2018 12:57 pm

    I swear, california is the only state where you hear for a calling of a genocide of the entire human race. I will never understand democrats smh

  7. pedro on June 24th, 2018 10:04 am

    thanks

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