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This Halloween: No Candy for You!

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I was in Ankeny, IA to go trick-or-treating with my nieces.  They were super cute of course.

But the funniest part of the night was a friend's too-young-to-know-any-better little boy grabbing handfuls of candy at each house.  The first time he did so, his dad told him to take just one, but the woman handing out the candy responded,

I was in Ankeny, IA to go trick-or-treating with my nieces. They were super cute of course. But the funniest part of the night was a friend's too-young-to-know-any-better little boy grabbing handfuls of candy at each house. The first time he did so, his dad told him to take just one, but the woman handing out the candy responded, "don't worry, that's ok". Next house? Same thing: dad telling his little boy to take just one. But this time, the little boy in the most innocent voice responded, "Daddy, don't worry, it's ok". And thus began the greatest amount of candy ever retrieved in one night.

Matt Olson

Matt Olson

I was in Ankeny, IA to go trick-or-treating with my nieces. They were super cute of course. But the funniest part of the night was a friend's too-young-to-know-any-better little boy grabbing handfuls of candy at each house. The first time he did so, his dad told him to take just one, but the woman handing out the candy responded, "don't worry, that's ok". Next house? Same thing: dad telling his little boy to take just one. But this time, the little boy in the most innocent voice responded, "Daddy, don't worry, it's ok". And thus began the greatest amount of candy ever retrieved in one night.

Calvin Murphy, Staff Writer

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In the 1990s, the television comedy Seinfeld ran an episode called, “The Soup.” This episode introduced viewers to the character of the Kassem, known behind his back as the Soup Nazi, and his phrase, “No soup for you!”

In this particular episode, Kassem runs a small shop that sells soup so good, that customers line up out the door to get it. Because his soup is so popular, he can be selective about who he sells to. If a customer doesn’t keep the line moving, he’ll scream “No soup for you!” If they are critical of the service, they hear “No soup for you!” as they are ushered out the door.

What does this have to do with Halloween? As high school students, we must face the fact that we are too old to go trick-or-treating. It’s not that neighborhood parents won’t give us candy if we show up with a lame paper mask and an old pillowcase to collect candy. It’s that they don’t want to and should not.

Just like Kassem, neighborhood parents that see high school students exclaim “trick-or-treat” at their doorstep should tell them, “No candy for you!” Giving out Tootsie Rolls and fun-size Snickers bars to gangly teenagers is not why they sit at the door on Halloween night instead of watching TV or Facebooking their friends. They do it to see cute, little grade schoolers in their adorable costumes. Let’s face it, high schoolers are neither cute nor adorable.

Now I know that some parents will tell you that it’s okay to go trick-or-treating as a freshman or even a sophomore. Fine, a few might not have a problem with it. But how can you find just the houses with these parents with an undeveloped sense of cuteness? It’s simple: You can’t.

Now don’t get me wrong. You can still dress up and have fun with your friends on Halloween. Go to a party or even take your little brother or sister around the neighborhood. Just don’t go up to the door and ask for candy. If parents were honest and treated you as you deserve, they would slam the door in your face as they scream, “No candy for you!”

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4 Comments

4 Responses to “This Halloween: No Candy for You!”

  1. Charlie Lewis on October 27th, 2016 8:54 pm

    I’m still going and you can’t stop me.

    [Reply]

    Sam Bodnar Reply:

    That’s the spirit Charlie!!!!! Never grow up.

    [Reply]

  2. Ben Stapleton on November 1st, 2016 4:11 pm

    That’s why I trick or treat with my little sister!
    When we walk up dressed as lions, and go “trick or treat” together, the parents think it’s nice/cute that a big brother is trick or treating with their little sister, and they happily give out candy to both of us.
    Nice opinion piece Calvin. Looking forward to seeing more from you 😀

    [Reply]

  3. Zach TCB Lieberman on November 16th, 2016 10:57 am

    Seinfeld is the greatest show of all time and that was a great episode. But at some point you get too old to ask for free candy. When I see a teenager and they come to my door and say tick or treat, I say “Trick”. And usually they stand there stoned faced and dont know what to do next, Then I give then candy. But Halloween is for the young, cute toddlers, and elementary age kids.

    [Reply]

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This Halloween: No Candy for You!